Lost in space and time...

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Top Ten Baddies

1 - Darth Vadar, Lord of the Sith

Base - The large capital super-star destroyer Executor.
Mission - To generally spread the evil Empire.
Distinguishing features - Black full-body specially cooled camomile and lavendar burns suit and helmet with concert hall echo effect.
Lackeys - The entire Imperial forces.
Nemesis - Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa's Rebellion.
Ultimately defeated by - His love for his own son.
Baddy rating - 9/10

2 - Emperor Ming the Merciless

Base - Imperial Palace on planet Mongo.
Mission - Likes being merciless and evil, plays with planets for fun.
Distinguishing features - Oriental style garb and cool goatee beard.
Lackeys - His Imperial Guard.
Nemesis - Flash Gordon.
Ultimately defeated by - Flash Gordon and some kick ass inspirational music.
Baddy rating - 8.5/10

3 - Count Dracula
Base - Dark and Broody castle deep in Transylvania.
Mission - To turn virgins into bloodsuckers and generally get off.
Distinguishing features - Ray Reardon hair, sharp pointy teeth and flowing black mantle.
Lackeys - The week willed.
Nemesis - Van Helsing.
Ultimately defeated by - His feelings for one woman, and a pointy stick.
Baddy rating - 8/10

4 - Saruman the Wise
Base - Wizard's Magical Dark Tower Orthanc at Isengard.
Mission - To be the biggest baddest wizard around.
Distinguishing features - Typical wizard's flowing white beard and gown.
Lackeys - Army of Orcs, familiars and spies, and Grima Wormtongue.
Nemesis - Gandalf the Grey/White.
Ultimately defeated by - Some trees.
Baddy rating - 8/10

5 - Ernst Stavro Blofeld
Base - Hollowed out volcanic pacific island c/w monorail, sliding steel doors and ecsape capsule for one.
Mission - To rule the world and rid it of governments.
Distinguishing features - Facial scar and and a fluffy white cat lap warmer.
Lackeys - The non-union jump-suited workers of SPECTRE.
Nemesis - Bond James Bond.
Ultimately defeated by - His own greed and Bond James Bond.
Baddy rating - 8/10

6 - Servalan
Base - EarthDome
Mission - To spread the power of the Federation, to kill Blake and his fledgling rebellion.
Distinguishing features - Wears ballgowns and heels on field missions and likes fur.
Lackeys - Federation troops. Travis.
Nemesis - Blake and chums. (Count them!)
Ultimately defeated by - Aliens from outside the Galaxy.
Baddy rating - 7.5/10

7 - Davros
Base - Military compound, planet Skaro.
Mission - To spread Dalek power throughout the Galaxy.
Distinguishing features - Ugly as sin and is bound to his special chair.
Lackeys - The Daleks.
Nemesis - The Doctor.
Ultimately defeated by - The Doctor and uneven floors.
Baddy rating - 7.5/10

8 - Baron Silas Greenback

Base - Underground bunker complex.
Mission - Generic evil doing and anti-government activities.
Distinguishing features - Is a toad and has a fluffy white caterpillar lap warmer, Nero
Lackeys - Stilletto Mafioso and LeatherHead.
Nemesis - Danger Mouse, the greatest secret agent in the world.
Ultimately defeated by - ***Still at large!***
Baddy rating - 7/10

9 - Zoltar
Base - His own capital war ship.
Mission - To enslave Earth and steal its resources for Spectra.
Distinguishing features - Wears a striking red and blue skin-tight catsuit, cape and evil mask.
Lackeys - The forces of Spectra.
Nemesis - G-Force (The Gatchaman)
Ultimately defeated by - The Joint Earth Defence Force and the Gatchaman.
Baddy rating - 7/10

10 - Dick Dastardly
Base - An aircraft hanger.
Mission - To stop that bloody pigeon.
Distinguishing features - Flying helmet and permanent pissed off expresion.
Lackeys - The dolts from Vulture Squadron, Mutley, Klunk and Zilly.
Nemesis - Yankee Doodle Pigeon.
Ultimately defeated by - That bloody Pigeon and the ineptitude of Vulture Squadron.
Baddy rating - 6.5/10